Seriously, f@*k it in whatever orifice is available. I mentioned my aversion to it last year and nothing has changed. The newest objectionable commercial is the one where a man hypnotizes his significant other with a diamond necklace, "I am a good husband, I am a good husband". It should be called "Avoiding Female Emotional Landmines Day" because, let's be honest, no woman I've ever heard of has spent time in the doghouse for fucking up her Valentine's gift to her boyfriend. We, as men do our best- emoting is not something we're all that great at to begin with- but regardless of our attempts, a wrong step and BOOM!!!!. Does it sound like I may have a personal problem with it? Congratulations! You are absolutely right!
It's all a part of my ironic life; I liked girls from a very young age-like 6, but I was almost out of high school before I had my first real girlfriend. You'd think a sweet, thoughtful guy such as myself (if you don't know me personally, just go with it for the sake of argument) would have have some decent Valentine Day stories, but I don't, not even the few ones when I actually had someone to share it with.
1. 1989- I was at a difficult time in my life, I was kicked out of my house and living with my friend Karen. I had just started a job that I had yet to get my first paycheck from when Valentine's Day rolled around. I had a very specific gift that I wanted to give my fiancee (don't even get me started on THAT!) that required money. I gave her the lyrics of a song I had written for her-admittedly handwritten and on notebook paper- but that wasn't good enough to stop everyone around her from hammering me for not getting her something more substantial. This lead to my romantic rival for her- her male best friend- to give her a bouquet of flowers to make up for my shortcomings. It got to be so much, I borrowed money to get her what I wanted a week later: 2 dozen roses and a red tambourine, which was symbolic for us. She loved it, but the damage was done. Did I mention that her gift to me was sexy (not explicit) pictures taken by said best friend, that I found out that she was cheating on me with through most of our relationship?
2. 1996- If V-day fell at a better time in the relationship I was in at the time, things might have turned out much better. I was actually about to break up with her; we spent so much time together when we got together, we kinda burned out. Plus her long-distance boyfriend had just found out about us. I didn't want to break up with her on Valentine's Day, but I've always had a hard time hiding my feelings and this was no exception. We broke up the next day, but got back together soon after and about 6 months later she broke my heart so badly I moved to Rockville.
3. 2004- My then-girlfriend and I had a bumpy and trying relationship. There was a lot of love there, but I was her first real boyfriend and had to navigate around her fears and concerns about being in love. Add to this the fact that we lived far away from each other through a lot of it. But things were looking up, we were making plans to move in together that fall and I had cleared- I thought- the last emotional hurdles. Since we had had a pretty lackluster Valentine's Day the year before, I wanted to really give her something that expressed my love in a way that she would never have another reason to doubt me. Even though we couldn't be together, V-Day itself was pretty good. But little did I know, I was setting myself up for the break-up less than two weeks later. It wasn't because I did something wrong or we didn't love each other, that's the fucked thing. I did too well, she started freaking out about how we were on the fast track to marriage and how she wasn't ready for that, even though I had absolutely no plans to ask her. This still stings me obviously; I wrote about this in last year's post, too. I can't even say what I gave her, its very memory makes me feel like an idiot. It just epitomizes so much of my love life; the harder I tried to make the women in my life feel special and loved, the stupider and more powerless I feel when it's not enough.
So, fuck Valentine's Day.
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