How to have a hit song and not know it.

In 2007, a song I co-wrote, “I Still Burn” was recorded as the debut single of the winner of the German version of “Pop Idol”. It was a smash hit through out Europe, charting in many countries that I have yet to set foot in.

The problem is, I didn’t write that song; someone else named Pete Wright did. When I say I did, it isn’t like claiming responsibility for the achievements of my namesakes, otherwise I could say I played bass for the band Crass and was a former British secret service agent turned author. The difference is that two very important organizations seem to think I did.

First, I’ll start with the IRS, who recently sent me a two thousand dollar tax bill. Although I haven’t seen the bill myself, they said I didn’t claim $16,000 in royalties that I had made in 2007. I made $16,000 in 2007? I sure could have used it; I spent most of that year eating tuna and ramen as I finished my book and spent a few months as a kept man in Texas. I would have loved to take my wonderful then-girlfriend to Outback a couple of times to show my appreciation.

Then there’s ASCAP, the American Society of Composers, Arrangers, and Publishers. This esteemed organization has been vigilantly protecting the rights and royalties of artists such as myself since 1917. Obviously they were much more zealous about my rights than necessary, since I was getting someone else’s money. Since I’m my own record company and get no radio airplay to speak of, I didn’t feel the need to burden ASCAP with the details of my travels over the last few years, so I didn’t give them a change of address. So to my old apartment, fat royalty checks were arriving completely unknown to me.

But between the night I found out about the royalty tax bill and the next day when I was able to investigate the matter, my mind swam with possibilities. To get that much money, the song in question would have to had some substantial sales and airplay. In this country, I’m almost completely obscure, I haven’t sold a physical CD in over 3 years and can’t get a arrested in this town. To think that there was some place on Earth where people were feeling the magic of Your Pal was a thrilling proposition. This hope was dashed quickly by a visit to the real Pete’s myspace page.

Hopefully some one at the IRS reads my blog.

Holy Crap! I'm one degree from Obama!

I've been a big fan of the soon-to-be President for quite a while. Even though he has yet to be inaugurated, he's already made more of an impact on my DC than 8 years of George Bush. Just last week he ate dinner at George Will's house; in the coverage of it, door was opened by his wife Mari, a longtime customer at my toy store and super-nice lady who've I've dealt with many times. It didn't hit me at the time, but this gives me one degree of separation from our new president (or two, I've never been a hundred percent how that works).

But this didn't excite me nearly as much as Obama's recent lunch with DC mayor Adrian Fenty(who's shopped at my store, too)at Ben's Chili Bowl. I have been there many times in various states of intoxication, in fact I even found God there once. Seeing Barack Obama at the same counter that I've ordered my favorite chili cheese fries gave me a thrill that I couldn't easily describe. But a couple of days ago, I figured it out: we often try to follow in the footsteps of greatness, but this time greatness walked in mine.

2008:My Year In Suck

In the excellent Clash documentary Westway To The World, a journalist surmises about Mick Jones’ childhood living with his grandmother in the projects; that he probably looked out on to the westway by where he lived and wondered what was to become of his life. Thinking about my own life, I knew that my family was aggressively middle class, so I didn’t have that feeling of growing up hopeless. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was soon to find out what it felt like to have grown up hopeless.

I didn’t have the Westway, but when I lived in Phoenix I had the South Rim, with the mountains making a hazy outline against the thick smog, visible as milk in the cereal bowl of the valley. I wondered, what the fuck now? I still don’t know.

To finish my book, I kind of took myself “off the grid” as it is popularly said. I spent a huge part of 2007 living at a house in Iowa, then in Texas living with my then-girlfriend. I finished the book and unfortunately the relationship didn’t work out, so I tried moving back to the DC area and you know, get back on “The Grid.”

The Grid keeps throwing me back off.

January: After unsuccessful attempts to get a job (although I worked the Christmas season at my old toy store job. It was only part-time, so it was only partly masochistic) and a place to live, I move in with my Mom in Phoenix. As I may have mentioned…

Pros- I get to spend more time with my family, especially my niece and nephews.
Cons- Just about every other god-damn thing about it.

I fucking hate Phoenix, and I got to spend part of the summer there. People love to say, “But it’s a dry heat!” So is being on fire. Tim Roth in the movie Bodies, Rest and Motion when he said an Arizona summer was good practice for Hell.

July: After saving enough money from working at a place that refills printer cartridges, I move back to the DC area. Not wanting to repeat previous mistakes I get a place to live with my friend Misha and a place to work full-time. It’s at my friend Dave’s guitar store, so it’s kind of the perfect job for me. Or it may have been if my hours were constantly getting cut until I only worked two days a week. I understood their need to cut costs, but my landlord would probably not be as understanding.

Fall ’08: I got another job pretty quickly, as a theater manager at the new Montgomery Cinema and Drafthouse. As with many new places, the inspections and finishing touches took a little while, so thank God for those two days a week at the Guitar Store. When it finally opened, the stress of juggling and putting out fires (metaphorically, of course), almost got the best of me there. I got laid off at the Guitar store, which I didn’t mind at the time because it magically gave me two days off a week, up from zero.

After a while I really started to enjoy my work and even got promoted to shift manager. A new wrinkle developed by chance one night when I got pushed on stage to introduce a comedy show there and did about 5 minutes worth of material that went over pretty well. My bosses said that I could do some more MCing if I wanted to. Uh, yea, I do!

Then it closed. Just a bit before Christmas, in the midst of an economic panic. What the fuck was I going to do?

2008 fucking sucked. But looking my life right now, the evidence of how lucky I really am is impossible to ignore.

Of course there’s my Mom, for letting me live with her and trying to help me out of the paralyzing depression that dominated the first half of this year.

There’s Misha, who took me in when I needed it and made moving back to the area that I feel most comfortable in possible.

There’s Steven, my boss at the toy store. His help this year has saved my ass more times –especially- this year more times than I can relate.

And last, but certainly not least, is my friend Shawn, who has supported me in every conceivable way this year.

Overall, I’m doing pretty well considering that I got laid off twice this year. I have a roof over my head and no out of control debt. I actually have a job, albeit one that has almost driven my literally insane in the past. After the year I just had, the stresses there are a lot easier to deal with. Yes, it’s sad that I am wistful for when I was merely unhappy, but that seems to be as much as anyone can hope for with what everyone else is going through. We as Americans are not used to worrying so much about our survival, but we’ve learned a valuable lesson that much of the rest of the world already knows: until you stop worrying about survival, fretting about happiness is a luxury that’s easily left behind.

2009 has to be better, right? We can still hope, so I will. Happy New Year and many happy returns to everyone. I don’t have any resolutions personally, I just want more of what this year sorely lacked: money, security and happiness.

Oh, and feminine affection. Much more of that, please!

My Failed Seduction

Realizing that my readership has dropped WAY off, I can be a bit more honest in expressing myself in a blog fashion. Flat out, I've been almost stupefyingly lonely the last few months. The only thing that has helped is just trying NOT to be, like some imaginary someone standing over me slapping me in the face until I don't feel lonely anymore. This is a story from before I learned to "deal".

A couple of months ago, I had a female friend visit me for that wonderfully ambiguous activity known as “hanging out”. I wanted to use this opportunity to make an in earnest pass at her. I had always been very attracted to her, but didn’t have the kind of fantasies that I had have starring some of my other female friends. But the possibility that she just MIGHT be receptive to a pass from me changed that quickly in my deluded mind.

It was pretty obvious that this wasn’t going to work very quickly. She had spent the day with a woman that she was attracted to, took out her sexual frustration on her ex-boyfriend and was IMing a third person that she had never met. As she talked about the stew of drama in her life, she admitted that she probably enjoyed it on some level. It was right about then that I added another ingredient: I told her of my plan to seduce her.

“You were not!”she said, lightly slapping me on the shoulder. I was, actually. "Well, I'm flattered," she said, which I know from TONS of experience means, "Thanks, but no thanks." Shit, I even wrote a song about it( although I wrote it about a gay man hitting on me).

As my friend left, I realized that it was probably a good idea that it didn’t work, although my loneliness continued unabated. With the two texting conversations going on while we watched a movie, it was the next best thing to being by myself. I opened the door to my newly clean bedroom and quickly realized that the dog had peed in the corner.

It was not my night.

The Graduation Party

A little over a decade ago, I was at a college graduation for a friend of mine that I had known for a while. Meeting members of her family, I had my eye drawn to one of her cousins. I thought that she might be young, but I was surprised to learn she was only 18. Talking with her and my friend, I found out that she was the same cousin that accompanied us to a Cure concert in 1987. I was shocked because she bared no resemblance to the 13 year girl that I remembered from back then. Obviously my baldness gave a her a similar problem.

“No, you didn’t go with us,” she said, matter-of-factly.
“Yes I did, “ I said, ”Disintegration tour, Cap Centre.”
“That’s the show, but it wasn’t you. There was Mike, there was Cess there was Pete.”
“Yes, Pete. I’m Pete.”
“No this Pete had,” she put her hands flat 8 inches over her scalp to signify the empire of hair I once. Short back and sides with a longish moppy mushroom up top is how I wore it when I wore a younger man’s hair. But those days were gone.

I was that Pete alright, that show was the beginning of the end of my –screwed up-relationship with my Cessi, my ex-fiancée. I had made a mistake of saying that Cindy Crawford looked awesome on the cover of the new Cosmo, and she was very upset about it. She was never shy about saying who she was attracted to who was not me, but the fact that this was the first time I had said something about someone that wasn’t her justified her hurt. At the show, she pointed to a girl sitting behind us asking me, “Isn’t she pretty?”
“Sure,” I shrugged and I swear I never looked at her again, not wanting to exacerbate our situation. After the show, she sulked the 3 hour drive home saying that I had stared at that girl all night. My protests to the contrary were negated by Mike, who said he noticed the same thing. Did I mention that she cheated on me with Mike most of the time we were together? It wasn’t my last dysfunctional relationship, alas, but it did set a pretty high standard for me.

I didn’t unload this part of the story for her, this is just for you (you’re welcome!), but this memory added to my frustration dealing with her disbelief that I wasn’t present at such a significant moment in my life.

“You know, you’re about 6 inches taller than you were then, but I still believe it’s you!”

Open Letter to Blue State America.

VOTE, VOTE, FUCKING VOTE! I say that to people on both sides of the political fence, if you're registered and have a choice, make it!

Let me make this clear, I am not one of these people who says,"If you don't vote, you can't complain." People in this country never wait to have the right to complain before they do it. If you have the choice and have the ability, DO IT!

But to my fellow Obama supporters, don't listen to people when they say your vote doesn't count. The popular assumption is that if you make voting harder- be it bad weather, long lines, or stricter regulations- democratic candidates suffer. Don't let these things keep you from your duty as Americans.

Republicans have had many cases of de-facto vote suppression, hiding it under the guise of trying to stop voter fraud. The ACORN "scandal" is a great example; even if Minnie Mouse was registered to vote, she would still have to provide some sort of government issued ID to vote. ACORN has to- by law- take every application, even if they know it's fake. This is no guarantee that that'll turn into a vote, but it certainly looks bad if you just take the news at face value.

I've been able to vote since 1988 and until 2000 the most prominent Republican that urged people to vote was Ted Nugent.

But vote regardless for this reason: if there is some sort of Electoral College mishap and Obama wins the popular vote but McCain still becomes president there can be as many as possible of us that can say "I voted in the majority!" and the Electoral process- which I believe was created as a way to suppress votes- can be abolished.

Palin:Pot meet Kettle

I just heard Sarah Palin take Obama to task for going after "Joe The Plumber" for asking him a question when great steps have been taken so she's not put in a similar position.

She's also afraid of Joe's taxes being raised, forgeting the fact he would pay less taxes under Obama's tax plan than McCain's. I think it's sweet that Joe's concerned about people who make more than $250,000 paying more to the government, but I assure you those people don't care about him.

McCain and Palin should keep in mind: live by Joe the plumber, die by Joe the plumber.

It's the Cognitive Disconnect, Stupid

It's obvious that the GOP doesn't have THAT big a problem with celebrities running for office given their excitement over the attention Sarah Palin has received with her nomination for VP. I won't get into all of the hubbub on either side that has happened since, instead I want to talk about the culture war that accompanies every presidential election.

The war is "us" against "them"; us being good, moral people and them being the morally bankrupt folks that are hell-bent on subverting the moral foundation that this country-supposedly- was built on. The problem is, neither group really exists. What there is are people who have chosen over the past few years to be identified by their political persuasion.

Sarah Palin's daughter can CHOOSE to raise her baby, being in a position to do it a lot more comfortably than many teenage mothers. On the Palin family blog, Sarah's husband congratulates his daughter on her pregnancy with,"It was just last year that I escorted you to the purity ball.." Social conservatism seems to have a lot to do with seeming virtuous without actually being virtuous, the magic abstaining powers of the "purity ball" lasting about 6 months.

Ask any worker at an abortion clinic, many "pro-life" people have ended up as patients. Abstinence-only sex education has led to a reversal of the downward trend of teenage pregnancy and Palin's daughter is only the most famous example. As much as conservatives love to paint certain activities as being exclusive to morally bankrupt liberals, the fact is Sarah Palin smoked pot, Dick Cheney's daughter and her lesbian life partner have a baby, Cindy McCain was addicted to prescription drugs and John McCain chased anything in a skirt for a while. This is not even counting the various examples of adultery and closeted homosexuality that have pop up among the staunchest conservatives over the past few years.

There are very few things in this world that have worked themselves out because people lied about it or denied it existed. Teenagers- then, now and forever- will have sex in some form, it's better if they are informed. Homosexuality is not a choice and should not be treated as such and there is no "Homosexual Agenda", any one who has had personal experience with gay people know this. People will look for some release, be it alcohol or drugs. And we will always make decisions that we'll regret later, but it doesn't make us "them". Let's live in a world where these things are seen for the facts of life they are, we'll all feel much better.

When "Because We Can" Becomes "Oh Fudge, We did".

I consider myself somewhat of a libertarian, but believe in at least some governmental regulation of business. You might think this is a contradiction, but it not to me. I believe in personal freedom (and responsibility), but corporations aren't persons. When something goes wrong there is not a person responsible, it's management pointing the finger at the stockholders or labor if things go wrong and everybody pointing the finger at management. This is the symptom of the free market, things take on a life of their own things get done "because they can" and never have the person make the decision when they should.

Now, I realize businesses exist to make money, but the point is "because we can" is gonna be bad for business. Look at some of the major problems facing the country:

1. The mortgage crisis- Banks and lenders gave away shitty financing "because they could" exploit the fact that people want big houses. Now they have a bunch of foreclosed homes that they can't sell and money that they can't recoup.

2. Oil prices- Hopefully the oil companies are socking away all the windfall profits. Big oil has fought it at every corner, yet have done more for alternative energy with $4 a gallon gas. They can protest "supply and demand" all they want but everybody knows what the phrase "record profits" mean, regardless of how you spin it.

Bernie and Issac

What a screwed up weekend! Russia is kicking the shit out of Georgia and doesn't seem to want to stop. John Edwards is the latest reminder that hypocrisy and questionable behavior knows no political party.

Wow, Bernie Mac. As sad as his death is, I feel disingenuous calling myself a fan; more accurately I was an admirer of his. He did a great job in movies both good and bad, but he was first and foremost a stand-up comedian. He was a rare performer whose obvious love for his audience was unmatched; approaching every show like a prize fight and knocking them out every time (except at a recent Obama rally).

The image that I think of when I think of him was from the Kings Of Comedy movie. He stood behind the scrim as he was being introduced by Steve Harvey with a stone faced solemnness. As the intro built up, he started moving his hips back in forth; stoking up the crowd, who could only see his shadow. And when he is finally set loose he gives them everything he's got. Having a good show is honestly better than sex, and that segment is the best representation of that I've ever seen (and I wish I had a clip of it.

I've got a feeling that's the image he would want us to remember, too.

Issac Hayes, that's another story. Most people might remember him for his acting, maybe even only as "Chef" on South Park, and that would be enough for one life. I remember him from Rockford Files and as "The Duke Of New York" in Escape from New York; not to mention I'm Gonna Get You Sucka (a nod to his title role in Truck Turner)


But then there's his music career, with his Oscar winning "Theme from Shaft" being only one example. Issac (with David Porter) wrote some of the best soul songs ever:"Soul Man", "I Thank You", and "Wrap It Up"

Legend has that while Porter was on the john in the middle of a fruitful writing session, Issac called for him to check out this riff he had just come up with and Porter said, "Hold on, I'm coming!", which turned into one of their hugest hits.

Issac Hayes was a bad mother........fucker (I decided against shutting my mouth).