The Nitty Gritty

But more than all of those I am an entertainer. I carry around a ukulele with me for the same reason a gangster carries a gun; better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Stage or sidewalk, Your Pal Pete shows are just where they happen.
Currently, I'm working on a musical, RagnaPOP(or she's got the bomb), set to premiere at this year's Capital Fringe Festival. I'm also working on music, comedy, and musical comedy; for kids and/or adults.
The fruit of these projects will be available on this site, so check back regularly!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Things I've never understood about women.

link to the previous post.
Things I've never understood about men

I feel I need to start this with a huge disclaimer, because I hate being misunderstood. Women have been an endless source of joy and inspiration to me. They are the most beautiful things in the entire world, by a huge margin and I truly believe that.

The best thing about women is that they’re attracted to men, at least most of them are. I don’t know why they want our hairy, smelly, birthday forgetting asses, but they do, God(ess) love ‘um. But the older I get, the less I know about them.

The problem can be best illustrated in the reaction I get when ever I say, “I’ve noticed something about women...” to a woman. More times than not, the gaze will tighten, the upper lip, preparing to be offended. It’s like If I cross an invisible line of insensitivity with my observation, the full fury of feminine ire will be unleashed upon me for my transgression. Which has never happened, I’ve been able to defuse with the power of my insight. O.K. not EVERY time.

So running the risk of offense...

Why women are so hard on other women- Some of the meanest things I’ve ever heard anybody say about anyone were women talking about their female friends. I suppose it helps us men that women don’t organize their considerable collective power to take the world over from men, but it seems so needless. However , if this does happen, I’m more than willing to be used as a tool of procreation by the new female overlords.

Ultimatums- It is a concept we’ve all been been through, or know someone who did: After a long courtship, one party wants to take the relationship to the next level, while the other party is more reluctant. Non-reluctant partner issues an ultimatum, either do it or I leave. In most cases it’s the woman delivering it.

Nobody likes to be threatened and pressured into big decisions, and do you honestly want to build the rest of your future on a threat? What you might not realize is your setting a time bomb of resentment for the future where they blame you for it later.

What’s worse is when the bluff is called and nothing becomes of it. One of the truest rules of human behavior is if you don’t have consequences from your decisions, you have no reason to believe that you’ve done anything wrong.

Here’s the way to do it: communicate your needs to your mate in a non-combative way. If they don’t respond to your satisfaction, break up with them. No ultimatum, just break up. That way they have time to live without you and reflect on what they’ve done. If they really want to be with you the way you want, they’ll come back. And it’ll truly be their decision.

Faking Orgasms- Women have told me it can sometimes be a power move, but you’re just shooting yourself in the foot here. I’ll point to the rule of human behavior I illustrated in the last observation. If your intimate enough to rub genitals together, you should be comfortable enough to say, “look, I’ve had a good time, but I need to get some sleep.”

The emotional double standard- Women are the more sensitive and emotional gender, but they don’t hold the monopoly.

To be fair, this has manifested itself quite a bit in my relationships, but it happens with such startling regularity, I have a hard time believe I’m dating everyone that does this.

We men have to apologetically deal with the fall out when we step on the psychic land minds laid out of sight by other men, ex-boyfriends, lovers, fathers, what have you. But if a man , even unintentionally, relates to his significant other to someone from his past, BOOM!

Forgiveness- (Definition from the Princeton Dictionary)2.the act of excusing a mistake of offense. Not saving said offense for use in a later argument. I’ve always said that every woman I’ve ever dated should become a doctor because they never let anything fuckin’ die.

Thanks for listening.

1 comment:

Kim said...


I am a friend of your brothers. He sent me the link to your Blog. I think by your Blog, you understand us women pretty well. We are pretty much a pain in the ass. I'm good with that. Be cool. -- kj