I started thinking about this when I saw the Lego version of the “Superman Returns” trailerlego supermanThe thing is with Superman is that he’s not really brave as much as moral. Unless someone has a fistful of kryptonite, he can’t be hurt physically. A mountain could fall on him and he would be merely annoyed, while nearly every other superhero would be just, um, dead.
Superman takes a lot of shit for being such a goody-goody and following his moral compass like he was Magellan, but this is probably a good thing. The wholesome midwestern and intergalactic values of his two sets of parents is what keeps his from robbing banks or from, at the very least, throwing people who piss him off into the Sun.
His true weakness is his love of humanity, though I hear he’s also touchy if you make a crack about his boots. Most of the nefarious plots that he has to foil involve threats against large groups of people, countries, continents, often the very planet Earth himself, but he is there to foil without question.
But I’ve got a couple questions for the man of steel that have yet to be answered:
1. Do you have to go to court whenever a criminal you catch goes to trial? Do you have a more conservative outfit for those occasions?
2. Do you ever get any shit from the FAA to wear a transponder so air traffic controllers can track you?
3. When you have sex do ever worry about getting caught up in the moment and accidentally crushing your partner?
4. Do you ever do super stuff to earn extra scratch like demolish buildings? If you don’t, is it because you’re afraid of the Teamsters?
5. When your flying across country do you use a map to find your way or do you occasionally fly into say, Omaha, to ask for directions?
Supe, hit me up whenever.
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