Things that suck about being bald.

I talk a lot about being bald, but I like to think that it's partially because I think insecure men can learn a lot from my experience, if I may be so bold. I could bore you with it, but only if you volunteer, click here for part one and here for part two. But hasn't always been domestic beer and frozen pizza.
1. Being over reliant on hats.
The first time I ever shaved my head it was when I worked at a convenience store. I went into the walk-in cooler to restock beer as I often had, until my newly bare skin felt a slap of cold air that the meager layer of hair I used to have protected me from. People always told me growing up that we lose most of our body heat through the top of our head, when you're bald it's easy to believe, you can feel every bit of it as it leaves you, unless you've got a good lit to keep it in.
This has it's advantages, it's almost impossible to leave your hat anywhere when it's cold and/or rainy. There's nothing like a icy raindrop on the pate to jar the memory from you.
But God help you if you can't find one before you leave the house. As a bald man, if you can't your hat, on the coldest of morning you are not leaving. I've worn a hot pink winter hat with a big sparkly ball on the top than go hatless. I'd do it again, but hopefully I won't have to.

I almost forgot (a miracle considering all the work outside I've been doing lately) the importance of the summer wearing of the hat as well. Without the proper covering, the top of my head would be like a solar-powered suspicious mole generator.

2. Getting ALL the hairs in place.
If there is a strip of your hair that is an 1/8 of an inch longer than the rest, you and most people wouldn't notice(assuming you have hair). If I had a eighth of an inch high stripe of hair sticking out of my scalp, I'd look like a mental patient.
With the laziness of repetition of the act and the time constraints I've often had, I sometimes get a little sloppy with the Mach 5, only to look in the mirror in horror later what I left hairy. The best thing is to shave often, then the spots you miss aren't as noticeable.
And don't get me started on those back of the neck hairs, if those aren't dealt with properly it looks like I'm wearing a hair dickey.

3.Being compared nearly EVERY bald celebrity.
It's what I refer to as a "lazy" comparison use to most tenuous glue of reason to hold two things together. Dr. Evil,Mr. Clean, Dave Attel, even Wooly Willy (among many others).



Someone I didn't know very well asked me,"Has anyone told you you look like that guy from Sex and the City?"
I replied,"You mean the bald guy?" I didn't know if there even was a bald guy on that show, but if you've heard that song as much as I have, you know how the chorus goes.
I added the "nearly" because the two I haven't gotten is Michael Stipe and Moby, but my friend Lonnie used to get compared to those two constantly (more lazy comparing if you ask me).

4.Having obscene amounts of hairs everywhere else.
Bald men tend to have more body hair than people with healthy scalps. It's a bit of a hormonal catch 22, the back hair growing extra unbound/free testosterone (not as cool as it sounds) is a symptom of male pattern baldness. Occasionally someone will notice this and say something like,"Isn't that funny, you're bald but you have so much hair...", like I didn't already realize how ironic my body hair is.
To be completely honest, if the I had the choice of having hair on my head or no hair on my back, I'd pick a hairless back every time.