The Nitty Gritty

But more than all of those I am an entertainer. I carry around a ukulele with me for the same reason a gangster carries a gun; better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Stage or sidewalk, Your Pal Pete shows are just where they happen.
Currently, I'm working on a musical, RagnaPOP(or she's got the bomb), set to premiere at this year's Capital Fringe Festival. I'm also working on music, comedy, and musical comedy; for kids and/or adults.
The fruit of these projects will be available on this site, so check back regularly!

Friday, April 04, 2008

Signs The Movie You're Making Is Gonna Suck

With all of the focus grouping and second guessing in the Motion Picture Industry an awful lot of shitty movies get released. This wouldn't make much difference if they made a lot of money to counteract their lack of quality, but this is often not the case. The people whose money really matter is mine and yours.

There are many unofficial rules I use that a movies going to suck that hold strong and true while some (goes straight to DVD, stars Keanu Reeves) have been proven wrong, albeit rarely. These are the surefire ones.

1. When the most famous person involved with the movie is the executive producer.
This is especially true when the person hasn't had the best track record ("from Executive Producer Jennifer Lopez"). I would be the last person in the world who thinks you need proven stars to make a worthwhile movie, but the persons that make shitty movies don't share my opinion.

2. When you make a sequel and you can't get the star to commit, but do it anyway.
This is especially true when the original movie is the biggest one the star has ever done. I mean if you can't get Jeff Fahey to do Lawnmower Man 2, pack it in. Who's Jeff Fahey? Exactly. You can almost guarantee suckage if the star DOES come back when they died in the first one. Then they have to be shoehorned in with flashbacks or improbable resurrection (The "Sean Connery in Highlander 2 Rule").

3. You have to connect two obviously separate scenes to get a laugh in the trailer for a comedy. What? There aren't enough jokes to sacrifice for a thirty second commercial?

4. Your making the third, fourth or more in a series where nobody even realizes there were any sequels at all. Do you know there have been 4 Tremors movies? 8 Hellraisers? 4 Revenge of the Nerds? Have you already turned your browser elsewhere?

5. Three Words: Starring Paris Hilton. She's like the Pauly Shore of the new millennium. Just awful.

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