The Nitty Gritty

But more than all of those I am an entertainer. I carry around a ukulele with me for the same reason a gangster carries a gun; better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Stage or sidewalk, Your Pal Pete shows are just where they happen.
Currently, I'm working on a musical, RagnaPOP(or she's got the bomb), set to premiere at this year's Capital Fringe Festival. I'm also working on music, comedy, and musical comedy; for kids and/or adults.
The fruit of these projects will be available on this site, so check back regularly!

Friday, April 27, 2007

Hilariously Inappropriate Toy Store Requests

I've been struck by a world class case of writers block for book, blog, whatever. Instead of laboring on something new, I'll give you an excerpt from my book, Surviving Retail. This is from my time at the toy store.
1. Cigarettes- In one of the old locations a guy asked if they sold smokes and, according to Steven(my boss), got quite irate that he didn't without ever noticing that he was in a toy store.

2. "Adult Toys"- In doing research for this peticular section,I asked my co-workers what inappropriate things they had been asked for; three of them said, "Adult toys." Now we prided ourselves for catering to whimsy regardless of age, so I made sure that THEY made sure what they were talking about. Some had been asked it on the phone, some in person and all of them had had it happen more than once, but it was all in a whisper, "adult toys". Lizzie, half screwing with someone who asked, half making absolutely sure that he was asking for battery powered marital aids, kept asking, "What kind?" while the customer kept answering, "you know, ADULT toys." "No, I don't, what kind....."

These next couple were obviously a child taking advantage of the parent's general ignorance about most pop culture related things. Lucky for them and not the youngster, we would let them know how unseemly these would be as gifts, without getting as colorful as I am here

3. The South Park movie- You mean the one where Satan is sodomized by Saddam Heussin? The jaunty musical with such selections as "Uncle Fucker" and "Kyle's Mom's a Big Fat Bitch?" Yeah, we didn't think it was right for the store. There are still quite a few adults that believe that cartoon are still just for kids.

4. BMXXX- This was a game for the X-Box where you achieve goals doing tricks on a bmx bike that you use to get digitized strippers to take off their digitized tops. I saw a request for this in the notebook we kept for such things and instantly called the customer to inform her of the games content.
"My nine year old COULDN'T have known about that. He must of just heard it was a good game." I just left it with her like that and not related my own experiences as a boy of that age, where we were acutely aware of any instance or opportunity of nudity through the clandestine news network that all adolecent boys have had through out history. He had heard it was good, alright: Mediocre game + nudity= THE GREATEST GAME OF ALL TIME!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't forget the classic "stupid spoiled whore video playset" and the "Alabama Man" (not all people from Alamba are wife beaters :)

awful, but still kind of funny (in the typical SouthPark way).

actually, it kind of makes you wonder, how is it these guys are able to pay for all of the lawsuits that have to be sent their way?