Hilariously Inappropriate Toy Store Requests

I've been struck by a world class case of writers block for book, blog, whatever. Instead of laboring on something new, I'll give you an excerpt from my book, Surviving Retail. This is from my time at the toy store.
1. Cigarettes- In one of the old locations a guy asked if they sold smokes and, according to Steven(my boss), got quite irate that he didn't without ever noticing that he was in a toy store.

2. "Adult Toys"- In doing research for this peticular section,I asked my co-workers what inappropriate things they had been asked for; three of them said, "Adult toys." Now we prided ourselves for catering to whimsy regardless of age, so I made sure that THEY made sure what they were talking about. Some had been asked it on the phone, some in person and all of them had had it happen more than once, but it was all in a whisper, "adult toys". Lizzie, half screwing with someone who asked, half making absolutely sure that he was asking for battery powered marital aids, kept asking, "What kind?" while the customer kept answering, "you know, ADULT toys." "No, I don't, what kind....."

These next couple were obviously a child taking advantage of the parent's general ignorance about most pop culture related things. Lucky for them and not the youngster, we would let them know how unseemly these would be as gifts, without getting as colorful as I am here

3. The South Park movie- You mean the one where Satan is sodomized by Saddam Heussin? The jaunty musical with such selections as "Uncle Fucker" and "Kyle's Mom's a Big Fat Bitch?" Yeah, we didn't think it was right for the store. There are still quite a few adults that believe that cartoon are still just for kids.

4. BMXXX- This was a game for the X-Box where you achieve goals doing tricks on a bmx bike that you use to get digitized strippers to take off their digitized tops. I saw a request for this in the notebook we kept for such things and instantly called the customer to inform her of the games content.
"My nine year old COULDN'T have known about that. He must of just heard it was a good game." I just left it with her like that and not related my own experiences as a boy of that age, where we were acutely aware of any instance or opportunity of nudity through the clandestine news network that all adolecent boys have had through out history. He had heard it was good, alright: Mediocre game + nudity= THE GREATEST GAME OF ALL TIME!