The Nitty Gritty

But more than all of those I am an entertainer. I carry around a ukulele with me for the same reason a gangster carries a gun; better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Stage or sidewalk, Your Pal Pete shows are just where they happen.
Currently, I'm working on a musical, RagnaPOP(or she's got the bomb), set to premiere at this year's Capital Fringe Festival. I'm also working on music, comedy, and musical comedy; for kids and/or adults.
The fruit of these projects will be available on this site, so check back regularly!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Episode VII-Salad Days of the Jedi

This is a bit of a large post. I got inspired over the weekend to write this.

Star Wars
Episode VII
Salad days of The Jedi

It’s been ten years since the Battle of Endor ended the brutal tryany of the Empire . The chaos of the Rebelion has given way to an era of peace and stablity unseen in over a generation. The heroes at the heart of this victory: Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia have settled into domestic lives that are in stark contrast to their early adventures. Their bonds have remained strong as Han is now married to Leia and is Luke’s brother-in-law. They live on Han’s home world of Correllia with their two children. Luke lives the single life on Courosant and is visiting the Solo’s on the occasion of Leia’s 35th birthday. After a modest party is winding down, Han and Luke reminisce about a long time ago......

Luke Skywalker and Han Solo have gained a couple pounds over the years, but they have retained their youthful spirt and their original hairlines. Hair color, though, has grayed a bit. They kick back in the living room with space tumblers of clear orange liquid.

“I talked to Chewie the other day,” Han offered, breaking the silence.
“Really, what’s he up to?” Luke asked.
“Well he took some time off to hang out in Kashyyyk, where he’s from.”
“Ya know, I’ve been there and it seems like Endor, except everthing’s a lot bigger “
Han warned, “I noticed that too but DO NOT mention that to Chewie, he doesn’t like being compared to Ewoks.”
“I don’t blame him.”
They enjoy a light chuckle.
Luke said, “You know, it’s interesting you bring Chewbacca up, I keep forgetting to tell you this. I was talking to Yoda a little while ago.”
”You mean the dead green one?”
“Yep, he knows Chewie.”
Han’s legendary cool was broken, “GET OUT! “
“No, really. They fought together during the Clone Wars. In fact, he helped him escape after the clones turned on the Jedi.”
Han slipped into a different kind of disbelief, one based of scepticism instead of astonishment. He asked,“Wow, is the galaxy THAT small?”
Luke was puzzled,”What do you mean?”
“Out of ALL the people, in ALL planets, in ALL the galaxy, don’t you think it’s an astronomical coincidence that Chewie and Yoda happen to know each other?”
Luke was still struggling, “It doesn’t seem strange to me.”
“Really?” Han continued,” I also thought it was also kind of weird that, if I remember the story you told me correctly, that your uncle just HAPPENED to pick c3p0 and r2d2?”
“You know, my dad build c3po,” Luke offered.”
“You see?, That just kinda proves my point! And I’ve never gotten over that Leia just HAPPENED to be your sister.”
Luke had an easy explaination, “It’s the Force.”
Han was not impressed,”The GODDAMN Force, it’s always the Force with you.”
“Well, Han, it is powerful and mysterious.”
“So’s my prostate, but I don’t use it to explain away things that just can’t make sense in the universe I live in.”
“I guess that’s why I’m the Jedi Master.”
“I guess you are, at least what passes for one these days.”
“I’m having a hard time not being offended by that, Han”
“I apologize Luke, It’s just that I’ve been studing up on the history of the Jedi, and you studied with Yoda for how long?”
“A couple of years, off and on.”
“Right, well, before the Empire, the Jedi would only start training someone when they were practically an infant. In fact they almost didn’t take your dad cause he was the ripe old age of 10. And they trained, hard, for 10 years to be a Jedi.”
The strain of Han’s aggresion towards him started to rattle Luke, “I don’t know, maybe I’m a fast learner. I was good enough to defeat the dark side, I do know that.”
“Against a guy who’s half droid, who can’t breath on his own who wears a huge helmet? I’ve seen some of the old holograms of the ways Jedi’s used to fight and it makes that final fight with Darth Vader and Obi Wan in the first Death Star look like two drunk Gammorians fighting outside a cantina. And I don’t know if you’ve seen your old man as Anakin in the recovered holograms ,but he was annoying. No offense, but that chestplate Darth Vader wore must have had a whine supression circut.”
Luke had had plenty, “Where is this aggresion coming from?”
But Han Solo had one more point to make, “and if this force is so all knowing, why didn’t it stop you from making out with your sister?”
“What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Back on Hoth,” Han remembered,”after we spent the night inside that tauntaun. When you were on the mend, and Leia wanted to make me jealous and made out with you in the med lab in front of me?”
“We didn’t make out, it was just a kiss!” Luke said.
“That’s not the point, these little parasites, the midi-whati-its, can make you sense when somebody dies from light years away, or if a blaster beam is coming, but couldn’t tell you to dodge your sister’s tongue!”
Luke could sense a dark energy surrounding Han and him, one that a Jedi is ill prepared to defend against, bad vibes.
“Enough Han, enough!” Luke said, “If you’re pissed off at me for something I did, I hope you’d tell me.”
Han softened and put his head in his hands,” I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”
Han got up and sat next to Luke.
He leaned in towards Luke with his eyes peaking over Luke’s head to check for his wife’s eventual entry after putting their two kids to bed.
“This pention life is killing me,” he whispered. “Before we met up, your life was moisture evaporators and power convertors, but I was a friken smuggler. I lived a life full of outer space adventure, but now....”, Han trailed off.
“I’m sorry, Han, I never realized.......”
“Do you know how deep I was in it? Enough to have a bounty hunters from all over the galaxy after my ass. I won the Falcon in a goddamn sabacc game. That was how I was livin’ every day, a spaceshipLuke. In a game. A fast one too,it made the Kessel run in..”
“Less than five parcets,” Luke interupted,”I know, there’s no need to remind me.”
“I mean, I’m grateful for my life with Leia and the kids,” Han says moving in even closer, “but I used to be a intergalactic bad ass!”
“We both were. But the Force plays a strange game with us all,” says Luke.
The etherial vision of Yoda appeared in front of the two men.
In his inimitable style he said , “Han, grow up, you must. Luke, the fuck up you will shut.” and disappeared as quickly as he arrived.
Han and Luke looked at each other and called it a night.


Lonnie Bruner said...

Nice ...

Capitolized said...

Shit Pete... I laughed pretty damn hard at this one. very astute observation on the plight of the caged man.