Your Pal vs. James Lipton

I just wanted to write about something other than my book, I'm about halfway through writing "Surviving Retail" , in case you're wondering.

I always wanted to go on "Inside the Actor's Studio", if just to answer the famous "Ten Questions". But I can't wait 'til never, so....

I'd love it if some of my friends might attempt to answer these same questions. This might not be televised, but I have less sycophantic smarm than James Lipton.


01. What is your favorite word?
Yes.

02. What is your least favorite word?
No. This is starting off swimingly, isn't it? Two questions, two syllables, brilliant!

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
I can and have been inspired by nearly everything at one point or another. It's like when I first ate Indian food and it felt like I was using some of my tastebuds for the first time. Anything that gives me that feeling mentally, it could be anything from a movie or a book or a off handed comment of a friend, can hit at the right moment and make me truly glad to have lived long enough to experience it.

04. What turns you off?
Dishonesty. I recognize how in some ways it makes the world go round but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I've tried to be as honest and straightforward, which is not to say I'm perfect at it, but I always try my darnest. The one thing I've discovered from this course of action is that you are only responsible for half of someone's opinion about you, anything you do or say has to go though the listener's filter before it gets to their brain.

05. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck. It can be used as nearly any form of word: Noun "You Fuck!" Verb "Let's Fuck!" It's the vulgarians spice, shaken liberally over any conversation you can get away with. It's especially cathartic when you add syllables FFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK! Try it, it works surprisingly well.

06. What sound or noise do you love?
My Mom reads this, but theres no future in frontin(check question 4), A sound I truly love is the sound of a woman having an orgasm. But there is a noise I love almost as much. I played with my Pal Christian in his basement and it reminded me of how much I love "playing" guitar feedback. I put playing in quotations because it's more like guitar torture, doing dumb shit like rubbing the strings against the amp as the feedback sounds like bombs falling. However I only love it when I'm causing it, it doesn't seem as cool when someone else does it. Come to think of it.....no, I'm going to leave that on the anecdotal turnpike and drive away.

07. What sound or noise do you hate?
People using emory boards on their finger nails, it drives me bat shit.

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
This of course would mean I could just pick a job and everybody else has to go a long with it. I would like to attempt almost any type of performing, except porn star or chainsaw juggler. I don't want the risk of losing a hand or deal with the body hair maintenance. Both jobs run the risk of either fate, I guess.

09. What profession would you not like to do?
The return desk of any store. If there are enough returns to warrant their own desk for them, I don't want to be anywhere near it. All those bad vibes are already way too often the stuff of my nightmares.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You were right about me. I really dont give a shit about that stuff.

James Lipton does K-Fed and a beer bong