Things I miss about the Eighties(Unfortunately)

About 1986, there was a bit of a revival craze that idealized the 60s. I thought then that there would be no way that there could be a 80s revival. I thought that once parachute pants, Day glo, and Cabbage Patch Kids passed beyond the horizon of popular culture that they would never return. In my teenage snothood, I figured these things were too superficial to inspire nostalgia.

But I was so very wrong, anyone able to either see or hear should know that. My issue is that everything that references that era practically bludgeons you with it. Way too many measures have been taken to scream "Hey! It's the eighties!" For all the references and people with haircuts like them, you'd think Flock of Seagulls were as big as The Beatles, or at least Duran Duran. But in reality, they were only slightly bigger than Kagagoogoo. And we didn't have Rubik's Cubes attached to us. At least not all of us.

But I find myself wistful remembering certain aspects of it that I couldn't have cared less about at the time.

Synth-pop bands always had a token guitar player, even though the music sounded like it was recorded about 5 miles away from the nearest guitar.

In the 80's you could always tell when someone was about to go solo when they would be featured on their own bands single, like Scandal featuring Patty Smyth. This was especially sad when Wham started "featuring" George Michael, because there were only two guys in that fuckin group. Hopefully he warned Andrew Ridgely to get his resume together.

In my day when people danced in movies they danced for their very lives! "Step Up", "Bring It On", what are they dancing for? Just winning a contest or going to a dance college instead of a regular one.

"Breakin' 2"-To save their beloved community center, which helped them escape the stifling drudgery of urban life.

"Flashdance"- To escape the stagnant rat race of blue collar welding and dancing at the one stripclub in Pittsburgh where they don't expect you to get naked.

"Footloose"- Escaping the stifling oppression of a fundamentalist Christian community.

Speaking of dancing, we could even have dance songs without accompanying dances. I mean have you ever seen anyone ever do the Safety or Neutron dance? Thought not.

Political Parties, the Ultimate Dysfunctional Relationship.

While going through a "what's it all mean?" thing thinking about every relationship I've ever had with a woman and a "What the fuck is going to happen next?" thing when thinking about the Middle East and our (non) involvement and the resulting implications and I came up with a theory. We've seen all the ends of these kind of relationship at one point or the other.

The relationship of conservatives with the Republican party is like the typical Asshole boyfriend. You fall in love with the way he makes you feel so you don't spend much time thinking about what's just behind the surface. He says exactly what you want to hear, all the while doing things behind your back that you excuse or refuse to believe,because you're in love. The sex is great, but he consistently changes his position to suit his needs first. At first this didn't matter you were so in love, but too many disappointed nights have lead you thinking differently. Unfortunately, he has gotten you pregnant and/or given you an STD, so the effects of this are going to be around for a while.

The relationship of liberals with the Democratic party is like the typical Boring boyfriend. You like all the same things and get along great, but you just can��t find that spark. On paper, he's perfect, in reality, you want to beat his brains in just so something interesting can happen. He's trying so hard to be likable, he just ends up looking pathetic with no personality to call his own.

I think America could stand for, politically, what the urban dictionary refers to as "strange". Someone, a non crazy third party, to arouse our loins, and our intellects and more us, truly, forward as a society. Unfortunately it's not in the selfish, small minded children that we've elected to do it.

And if this union produces a baby, name it after me.

Sign of the Apocalypse- And on the Teen Choice awards, the first live performance of Brittany's baby's daddy, who's only discernible talent is being such a douchebag he bleeds vinegar and water!

For those of you who don't have my CD

I've posted 4 different songs from it on my myspace page.
You can get them here.

Ted Nugent's Rejected Nicknames

This made me chuckle, hopefully you will too.

If you don't know who he is link of the Nuge
He's known as "The Motor City Madman", but also "The Nuge", "Uncle Ted", "Sweaty Teddy"(eeeuww), and my favorite, "Theodocious Atrocious". These are the ones that didn't quite make the grade.

1. Jesus with Firepower

2. The Musky Avenger

3. Sir Ted the Fond-of-Self

4. ol' Scratch and Sniff

5. Fuzzy Wuzzy Bunny's Bestest Buddy

6. The Velvet Loincloth
(the people that suggested those last two got arrows through the throat from Mr. Nugent, himself)

Chris Matthews is the John Madden of Political Punditry

I actually enjoy him, for the most part. But he shares with Madden, in my opinion the ability to proclaim the head-smackingly obvious. Also, the people around show enough respect them enough to ever say "Wow, did you really just say that?" The difference is that what the former football coach and sportscaster says is obvious to everyone, even people that don't know football, what Matthews says isn't obvious to nearly enough people .

John Madden- (any given Monday)"The team that puts the points on the board is the one that's gonna win."

Chris Matthews-(this past Sunday)"A recent study shows that watching the Daily Show might make you more cynical towards politicians and elections."

Really? Maybe that's because they're the only ones that seem to be paying attention. The Daily Show is blessed with fantastic writers and talent, but current political events are a satirical homerun derby. They get easy lobs from every branch and facet of government and Jon Stewart and company knock it out of the park almost every time when every other news outlet is too scared to lift the bat(Sorry for all the sports metaphors). Of course, they take quotes out of context and blow stuff out of proportion, but doesn't the "legitimate" media do that an awful lot too?

The Daily Show is seen as the most trusted news source in this country, but even they themselves call what they do "fake news". I think it's trusted not because the accuracy of the facts, but the feeling the show gives. It's the feeling that you are not alone. They really said that, they really did that, they're really getting away with this, and we think this is as fucked up as you do.

If the Daily Show didn't exist, we'd have to create it.

Attention Wright family cousins!

I heard from our aunt Margaret Ann that a couple of you guys are checking the blog out. My e-mail is your.pal.pete@hotmail.com if you want to get in touch.

a civilization build with 40 percent and opposable thumbs

One of my pet peeves at the toy store is people not listening to what I say. I'm writing in "Surviving Retail" many examples of this, but for this post I'll give only one, for the purpose of clarity.

A few months ago a lady was filling out a store credit form and I told her," We just need the name and phone number, you DON'T need to fill out the address." mentioning the extraneous line between them.

As I rung up the next customer (I've become a wiz at multitasking), I noticed her starting to fill the address line out so I reminded her,"You don't need to fill that part out."
"I'm sorry, you DID tell me that."
"That's O.K.,"I told her, "that happens all the time."
"Well, maybe if you didn't even mention the address line at all, just say you need the name and phone number." Her tone was sincerely helpful, but I had this happen an average of three times a day for nearly 6 years, and I had never found the right thing to do to avoid that bit of confusion.
"I did that at first, but people filled it out anyway."
The next customer chimed in with his own suggestion,"How about if you scratch the address part out?"
That didn't seem like a logical solution to me, I said,"That seems like a lot of work, it might just be easier if people listened to what I say to them."
This sent them chortling, she said, "Surely, you can't expect us to do THAT!"
Silly me.

The thing that really gets me is the only reason I say anything to make their lives easier. They can write out their address, e-mail, and blood type for all it effects me. But that's a hallmark of my toy store experience, trying to help people through their day, despite their best efforts.

In venting my frustrations to a coworker she said," Maybe it's something in your body language, it's said that 60 percent human communication is done through body language."
That got me 'a thinking, animal communication is about a 100 percent body language.
If that's true, that means with all we've accomplished as humans, we still do most of our communcating the same way as every other animal. Who knows how far we would have gotten without opposable thumbs.

It makes me think of an episode of Futurama, when Nibbler, Leela's pet, described Earth as a "primitive dirtball inhabited by psychotic apes."

My Last Delaware Post

Famous people from Delaware:
Valerie Bertinelli- that's right Eddie Van Halen's ex-wife

Teri Polo-Ben Stiller's girlfriend in "Meet the Parents"

Tom Verlaine- Guitarist of nacent punk band Television, my Eddie Van Halen when I was growing up.

Henry Hemlich- perhaps you're familiar with his maneuver?

Elisabeth Shue- recipient of the Academy Award "Kiss of Death"

Ryan Phillippe- aka Reese Witherspoon's oscar date

More fun facts:
Most of Delaware's borders are part of the famous Mason-Dixon line that seperated north from south during the civil war. (o.k. that's only fun to geography nerds).

"Going to Delaware", as it turns out, is slang for smoking pot according to wikipedia(though I can't find the link where I saw that). The reasoning is that Delaware is so boring, you might as well get high.

In Wayne's World when Wayne and Garth travel by green screen to Delaware the picture behind them is of the Indian River Bridge located between Dewey and Bethany.
This was the location where I had supposedly drowned when I was 19, at least that's what a kid told my ex-girlfriend, who believed him. You can imagine the surprise when I ran into her best friend at college that fall.
"Pete! You're not dead!"
And me, being a man of hair trigger wit, said,"NO!"

Love the band, Hate the fans

I spend way too much time blogging and not enough on "Surviving Retail", my tome of retail anecdotes and my unique brand of amateur sociology filtered through the lens of Capitalism.

But I can't quit you baby, so I've made myself a deal:I can only post a blog after I've written 5 pages for the book. This means it will be a while between posts, but the book will get done faster (hopefully) and make my blogs better(maybe).
I'll leave you, for now, with this one.

First, I have to clarify the title. "Hate" is probably too strong a word, replace "don't have much in common with". And now that I think about it, "Love" is too strong a word for some of these bands and/or solo acts, I'll use "Have at least a decent amount of respect for," instead.

Fugazi- I'll just get this out of the way. Fugazi is undoubtedly and deservedly a monumental band in the history of Indie Rock, as much for how they did (do?) things as their music, which is influential on it's own. But,the reverence paid to them, in DC, borders on worship. If you don't believe me, go to the Black Cat with a friend and start talking shit. You can talk shit about Jesus while your friend can talk shit about Fugazi , your friend is far more likely to get beat up than you are.

Led Zeppelin- All the kids with long hair and jean jackets that stank of a piney scent loved 'um, but to me, they were part of the group of unscary bands that kinda scared me as a tyke. I was just going by t-shirts, but Kiss, AC/DC, even the Grateful Dead seemed like "the Dark Side" to me.

But little did I know I was missing the Beatles of heavy metal, one of the exalted few acts that has made a almost fully listenable double album. I read "Hammer of the Gods" at 15 and it rocked my double wide trailer dwelling world. Classic rock radio filled in the blanks, as I started realizing how many Zeppelin songs I had heard before I knew who they where.

They are also like the Beatles in that a band can be Beatles or Zeppelin "esqe" but never capture the rhythm that makes them so unique.

Justin Timberlake- I probably have the least in common with JTÍs fans, not being a teenage girl prone to hysterical screaming, but I loved his album "Justified." The lion's share of the credit goes to his producers, The Neptunes (their album "in search of" as N.E.R.D. is one of my all time favorites). He's the closest thing I have to a guilty pleasure but I don't believe in the concept, it goes against the Popagenda.

Marilyn Manson and My Chemical Romance- I've always said that if you hate a band because of their image it's the same a loving them for it, but both of these bands put this to the test. But I'm talking about the songs, because I'm a song guy, and they both have a decent amount of great ones. It's just that I only had to wear all black once to know it wasn't for me and I wouldn't relive my teenage years for anything.

Some videos I love:
Henry Rollins letter to Ann Coulter (Bad Language!)
Tom Waits and Iggy Pop in coffee and cigarettes

Delaware memories part 2, Rehoboth Boogaloo!

People have a funny relationship with where they grew up. They stay or they stay away, it’s hard to be anything else. I had a lot of friends growing up and in my early adulthood that I shared a desire to get out of Delaware with, but most of them still live in the area. There are advantages to that, they tend to be closer to their families, for one thing. I may have the luxury of public transportation and regular rock shows but they have careers and families and are in general more successful adults than I. As I often say, fate plays a funny game with us all.

My last smidge of state pride was snuffed out with the issuing of the State Quarters. I was really psyched that my little homestate was finally getting some nationwide love. The Delaware quarter features Caesar Rodney’s ride through a thunderstorm to Philadelphia to vote in favor of the Declaration of Independence. Heart warming, patriotic stuff. It was political suicide at the time, but now history has judged him correct and the event was now immortalized in coin form.

The first time I had some in my pocket, I went to a party and showed the pride of my erstwhile home to any one who’d care. One woman asked, “Is this what you do to meet women?”

No, NO! Would that work? More over do I want it to work? What if I end up marrying a woman I met that way? Do I honestly want to tell my grandkids when they ask how I met grandma, “I showed her 25 cents and I was in there like swimware!”

When I visited family in Rehoboth last year, the change brought about by the influx of money into the area was startling. My dad, uncle, and I all grew up there at different times, but we exclaimed the same curmudgeonly things: “When did that go out of business?”,”When did that put that there?”, and the most popular one,”That’s a fuckin’ shame!”

The outlets, that seemed rather ostentatious at their original size has grown into a tax-free shangri-la for the thrifty. When I was a kid it was a big deal when McDonalds opened on Rt. 1., now it’s a gauntlet of the usual suspects of gentrification, Ruby Tuesday, Walmart, et al.

Downtown is a different story, housing sprawl is the name of the game. They’ve got housing developments on every bare piece of real estate, even under the rt. 1 overpass, so now you can pay a premium so you can live like a troll. The guy that bought my grandmother’s house took out the back porch and shoehorned a new house into the backyard, where I made some of my earliest memories.

All of this is to be closer to the beach, with is about half the size it was when I got sick of it as a teenager. Then after the 3 to 5 months of usefulness in the summer, it becomes a virtual ghosttown. At least that hasn’t changed, that and the fries are still greasy and amazing.

The ironic thing to me is that a lot of people who are driving up property values (and taxes) are from the DC metro area. DC, to me, represents everything I needed in Delaware but couldn’t get: culture, music, tolerance. But that beach’s got a heavy pull, and every weekend in the summer, people can’t get there fast enough. But to me it’s like when I walk past a trendy nightspot with a ton of people waiting in line to get into it. I’m glad I don’t have the slightest desire to join them.