Patterns of The North American Hipster

One of the many differences between Phoenix and D.C. is the relative lack of hipsters. I would have thought that this would be a positive thing, the North American Hipster can be quite a loathsome beast. It has a pack mentality and code of conduct designed to denigrate others animals sense of coolness while simultaneously affirming its own.
The lack of Arcade Fire shows and visits from McSweeney's contributers cannot provide the supply of irony needed to sustain large packs of hipsters.

Unfortunately, because of this, groups of earnest alterna-rockers and the type of angsty downtuners that were thought to had gone the way of Korn flourish in numbers unknown in other parts of North America.

So the choice is: people who are too cool to exist or people who are too sad to stop screaming. Hmmmmmmm.